This Is Why

my Xhusband used to call me, "Little Miss Want-Want."

Small Owen necklace by Gorjana at shopbop.com; draped ponte dress and asymmetric neckline dress, lanebryant.com.

I Want This! (and this. also, this...)

Old Navy Ruffle Collar Wool Blend jacket in Rosemary Blue. Merona Collection (Target) Women's 2Fer London Dress in Flamenco Red. Mossimo (Target) Women's Knotted Side Dress in green.

I wanted to spend my unemployment check this week on myself, some new clothes & a pedi for my homeless-looking feet. Instead I spent it on Guy's Christmas present and the deposit for Zac's trip to the Tremont Institute in the Smokies next March. And the last one I went to The Children's Place and bought Bookey's fall/winter clothes. Before that, I paid the cable bill.

The terrible keening cry of the mother: when is it going to be me?

Help Me, Rhonda....

Or rather, help me, ANYONE. Anyone? Bueller?

I can't figure out what to wear as a stay at home mom. (By the time I figure it out, I'm sure I'll be working again. LIFE. AAARGH. Why it must work that way?) Plus I've gained about ten pounds laying around all day and cooking. I think I've exercised maybe four times since April. In his gym class here in TN, Zac does a lot more actual exercise than he did in AL; last year it appeared that all they did was play kickball every day for an hour and a half. But this year he is doing pushups and situps and running a mile every week. Naturally his stomach (which was not large) is now flat as a friggin' pancake (whilst mine has burgeoned like a sail filling with wind). So to celebrate the four day weekend, I went running with him this morning.

Somewhere along mile two, I DIED.

But I love Guy so much that I managed to somehow REANIMATE MY BODY and make it home, so I could tell him that I was dead.

An Abject, Object Lesson

Stay at home momhood takes its toll on your fashion senses. Before long you are watching all day Law & Order marathons and forgetting to change the channel to Project Runway. And you haven't bid on any shoes on eBay in....(tries to count that high-fails).

That's just me, you say? Suuuure it is. Have you not been to Walmart lately? Because it is a retina searing, nausea inducing outing, oh yes it is.

Today I finished filling out a job application for the Middle Tennesee Electrical Cooperative. When I picked up the app, I had a severe case of bedhead & had not yet washed my face that day. The ladies of the MTEC, on the other hand, appeared to have just been released from their Barbie box and fresh from the hands of a dental bleaching specialist, as well. I was glad that I had put on a bra. Unfortunately that was the sum total of my grooming.

This business of waking up with him every morning and being told that I am beautiful & amazing is taking a heavy toll on my personal grooming standards, let me tell you. (A toll I am more than happy to pay!)

So I vowed that when I dropped my application off, I would be STUNNING. Or at least have brushed my hair, washed my face, applied a modicum of makeup, and wearing earrings (this always passes for stunning with me). I slid into one of my oldest and most comfortable little black dresses--I bought this back when I was still married! A pair of Jessica Simpson platforms that again, were purchased back during my marriage. The girls greeted me with big smiles of approval. I had to run into Walmart to pick up a few necessary supplies (okay, honey bbq sauce, copy paper, & toilet paper. NOW STOP WITH THE THUMB SCREWS!!!) I received 2 compliments on my shoes and one on my dress. Most people looked me in the eye & smiled. This is not the same response I get when I have on cutoffs & flipflops.

On the other hand, I never limp out to the parking lot when I wear flipflops, either....hehehe.

Could I BE Any More Neglectful of This Blog????!!!!

I mean honestly. Most likely the answer would be NO. I wish I had something fabulous to share with you, but the truth is I have been wearing flipflops and bike shorts and going barefaced seven days out of seven. I haven't discovered any fabulous new makeup or facial care products. I tried L'Oreal's new redness correction lotion--it turned my face green. GREEN I TELL YOU. All I needed was a pot of water dumped over my head so I could've screamed, I'm meeeelllltttiinngggg.


Which really there is no need for the pot of water as it is summer in the South and I am melting in the heat & humidity. So my fashion tip of the day is pretty much, Stay inside. Also, refrain from giving birth & growing older. You'll stay hotter that way. Hotter in a good way, in a "my thighs don't rub together & I don't have crowsfeet!" kind of way, not hotter in an "oh my God it's the heat AND the humidity" kind of way.

New Clothes, November 2009

I've been relying on the same 2 pairs of black pants and 2 pairs of darkwash jeans since....I'd have to check my blog history over at SAHMGQI but I believe at least 2 years.

Dammit. Now that is Driving Miss Crazy. Back in a sec. DAMN. Try November 2005. These pants are FOUR. YEARS. OLD. That is ninety seven in pant years.

So, after I got my 401K check and performed obligatory mature adult responsible purchases like catching up on the car payments, filling the fuel oil tank so we have heat, and buying warm clothes for Lynda, I trolled the Lane Bryant website and discovered their new Icon line. Saw a model in a royal purple empire waist top that my heart skip a beat (either that or I have had too many breathing treatments today. albuterol may be the only reason I am awake...well, that, and YOU, lovely blogreader--your butt is positively miniscule in those pants!) Called my local LB and they are the only store in Bama that carries the Icon line: one purple top in my size left. I put it on hold Thursday and finally made it there this afternoon (life. it's always getting in the way of my shopping.)



Although Purple Top did not make the cut, I did carry home a Bag of Deliciousness stuffed with new jeans that caused me to look in the three way mirror and cry, "My ass is FANTASTIC in these!" And I forced the reluctant staff to get down the mannequin wearing this skirt--hmm. LB does not wish to share their image with me, apparently. Here's the link: or not. Apparently they do not wish to share the link, either. Heh. It is the Icon ruffled ponte knit skirt, a pencil skirt with an asymmetrical ruffle that isn't really evident in the pic of me above. Apparently Zac is not the heir to the Irving Penn throne. As I was checking out with said skirt, an amazing necklace, and a pair of jeans that I may sleep with under my pillow tonight, the salesperson ringing me up confided that she had hidden the size 14 skirt on the mannequin on purpose so no one would buy it. She reckoned without my resolve and retail knowledge!

More pics tomorrow; I will introduce you to my Russian mail order bride, I mean, my blissful new pair of jeans.

We Will Now Pause

For a brief (well, okay, possibly PROLONGED) period of mourning that I saw these and missed the chance to buy them. Alice & Olivia jeweled boots, still on the Payless website, but sadly unavailable for purchase. Yes, taunt me with your unattainable loveliness, my sweets, while I yearn for your luscious black soles of Stompiness...these would have gone with every little black dress in my closet. AND my jeans (buries face in handkerchief for a storm of weeping). In fact I might have slept in them. We'll never know. I definitely would have propped them stylishly on my bedside table to admire if wakeful in the night.