An Abject, Object Lesson

Stay at home momhood takes its toll on your fashion senses. Before long you are watching all day Law & Order marathons and forgetting to change the channel to Project Runway. And you haven't bid on any shoes on eBay in....(tries to count that high-fails).

That's just me, you say? Suuuure it is. Have you not been to Walmart lately? Because it is a retina searing, nausea inducing outing, oh yes it is.

Today I finished filling out a job application for the Middle Tennesee Electrical Cooperative. When I picked up the app, I had a severe case of bedhead & had not yet washed my face that day. The ladies of the MTEC, on the other hand, appeared to have just been released from their Barbie box and fresh from the hands of a dental bleaching specialist, as well. I was glad that I had put on a bra. Unfortunately that was the sum total of my grooming.

This business of waking up with him every morning and being told that I am beautiful & amazing is taking a heavy toll on my personal grooming standards, let me tell you. (A toll I am more than happy to pay!)

So I vowed that when I dropped my application off, I would be STUNNING. Or at least have brushed my hair, washed my face, applied a modicum of makeup, and wearing earrings (this always passes for stunning with me). I slid into one of my oldest and most comfortable little black dresses--I bought this back when I was still married! A pair of Jessica Simpson platforms that again, were purchased back during my marriage. The girls greeted me with big smiles of approval. I had to run into Walmart to pick up a few necessary supplies (okay, honey bbq sauce, copy paper, & toilet paper. NOW STOP WITH THE THUMB SCREWS!!!) I received 2 compliments on my shoes and one on my dress. Most people looked me in the eye & smiled. This is not the same response I get when I have on cutoffs & flipflops.

On the other hand, I never limp out to the parking lot when I wear flipflops, either....hehehe.

Could I BE Any More Neglectful of This Blog????!!!!

I mean honestly. Most likely the answer would be NO. I wish I had something fabulous to share with you, but the truth is I have been wearing flipflops and bike shorts and going barefaced seven days out of seven. I haven't discovered any fabulous new makeup or facial care products. I tried L'Oreal's new redness correction lotion--it turned my face green. GREEN I TELL YOU. All I needed was a pot of water dumped over my head so I could've screamed, I'm meeeelllltttiinngggg.


Which really there is no need for the pot of water as it is summer in the South and I am melting in the heat & humidity. So my fashion tip of the day is pretty much, Stay inside. Also, refrain from giving birth & growing older. You'll stay hotter that way. Hotter in a good way, in a "my thighs don't rub together & I don't have crowsfeet!" kind of way, not hotter in an "oh my God it's the heat AND the humidity" kind of way.

New Clothes, November 2009

I've been relying on the same 2 pairs of black pants and 2 pairs of darkwash jeans since....I'd have to check my blog history over at SAHMGQI but I believe at least 2 years.

Dammit. Now that is Driving Miss Crazy. Back in a sec. DAMN. Try November 2005. These pants are FOUR. YEARS. OLD. That is ninety seven in pant years.

So, after I got my 401K check and performed obligatory mature adult responsible purchases like catching up on the car payments, filling the fuel oil tank so we have heat, and buying warm clothes for Lynda, I trolled the Lane Bryant website and discovered their new Icon line. Saw a model in a royal purple empire waist top that my heart skip a beat (either that or I have had too many breathing treatments today. albuterol may be the only reason I am awake...well, that, and YOU, lovely blogreader--your butt is positively miniscule in those pants!) Called my local LB and they are the only store in Bama that carries the Icon line: one purple top in my size left. I put it on hold Thursday and finally made it there this afternoon (life. it's always getting in the way of my shopping.)



Although Purple Top did not make the cut, I did carry home a Bag of Deliciousness stuffed with new jeans that caused me to look in the three way mirror and cry, "My ass is FANTASTIC in these!" And I forced the reluctant staff to get down the mannequin wearing this skirt--hmm. LB does not wish to share their image with me, apparently. Here's the link: or not. Apparently they do not wish to share the link, either. Heh. It is the Icon ruffled ponte knit skirt, a pencil skirt with an asymmetrical ruffle that isn't really evident in the pic of me above. Apparently Zac is not the heir to the Irving Penn throne. As I was checking out with said skirt, an amazing necklace, and a pair of jeans that I may sleep with under my pillow tonight, the salesperson ringing me up confided that she had hidden the size 14 skirt on the mannequin on purpose so no one would buy it. She reckoned without my resolve and retail knowledge!

More pics tomorrow; I will introduce you to my Russian mail order bride, I mean, my blissful new pair of jeans.

We Will Now Pause

For a brief (well, okay, possibly PROLONGED) period of mourning that I saw these and missed the chance to buy them. Alice & Olivia jeweled boots, still on the Payless website, but sadly unavailable for purchase. Yes, taunt me with your unattainable loveliness, my sweets, while I yearn for your luscious black soles of Stompiness...these would have gone with every little black dress in my closet. AND my jeans (buries face in handkerchief for a storm of weeping). In fact I might have slept in them. We'll never know. I definitely would have propped them stylishly on my bedside table to admire if wakeful in the night.

Product Review for Benefit's Hello, Flawless!

I LUUUURRRRVE this!

Have had a promo pullout of the product laying on my desk for months (I do not exaggerate. SINCE. APRIL.) and one of my friends wandered by, picked it up, and said, "Oh! My girlfriend works there!" So, Friday night after work while Bookey was at cheer practice, I went over to Belk's in The Summit (also known as The Very Fancy Mall Where Rich People Shop And Therefore I Do Not) and visited the lovely and talented Brooke at the Benefit counter. I was interested in concealer and foundation as my weakness is always my skin. Between the breakouts and the rosacea, I often wish I could put a bag over my head in the mornings. And the afternoons. And most definitely the evenings. I've been using CoverGirl's TruMineral powder foundation and it is very good for a drugstore product. But Benefit's Hello, Flawless! has definitely taken coverage with a very natural look to the next level. In fact I have already had several people ask me if I am using new makeup because my face looks so good! Also, how can you resist a color called Me, Vain? Champagne~answer, I did not even try.

And I am *GLAD* that I did not! It has been soSoSO long since I have bought makeup anywhere other than a drugstore. Also, they have a brow product that looks good and a brow event coming up where you get your brows shaped and they teach you how to use the product. This may produce a more finished look then me simply swiping an almost dried out mascara brush over my brows, so I am signed up for that and greatly looking forward to it.

So, if there's a nice department store in your area, see if they have a Benefit counter. The products are GREAT and the counter people are well trained in what will suit your needs. I did not feel pressured at all and in fact though I tried several products, only bought this one because I felt it was the very best of all of them. Brooke gave me several samples & the fall catalog and I look forward to going back and treating myself to something new and extremely effective on a hopefully regular basis.

Product Review: Revlon ColorStay Lipliner in Red

I was recently seduced by the shiny print ad for Revlon's latest Heck-No-This-Stuff-Will-Never-Ever-EVER-Wear-Off, Would We Lie To You? product: ColorStay Ultimate Lipcolor. When Andie MacDowell smiles at me in bright red lipgloss, I lose my ability to say no. Plus the lipcolor came packaged with a lipliner. How could I resist? (answer: by checking my bank account balance, but anyway)

I LUUUURRRRVE me some red lipstick. Especially with my red hair. A look I rocked back in high school, but the past 2-3 years I have not been able to find a drugstore red that I really liked (I'm sure I'd be able to find one at the mall for roughly the same as my power bill, but I LIKE ELECTRICITY, TOO!). So I was expecting another too dark, too bright, too something that I would wear once and then it would fall into the Great Caboodle Crevasse with its brethren, the Forlorn and Unworn.

But no! If I line my lips and then fill in with the liner, it is muy perfecto. Don't even need the lipgloss. Five stars. And it really isn't that drying, and really does last nicely. Definitely five stars.

Heatwave

We had a cool and rainy spring here in Birmingham, Alabama. In fact, for the first year that I can recall, summer started pretty much on the calendar day marked as the first day of summer. The heat index has pretty much topped 100 degrees every day ever since.

So what does this mean for a sweaty and faltering fashionista like myself?

First of all, I am not torturing my feet with heels every day. Payless had a BOGO sale (I subscribe to their emails, you can sign up at their website of payless.com) and I bought Bookey a new pair of sandals and a pair for myself. A cute and strappy black patent leather pair, completely flat. Very easy to walk back & forth to work in as well as up and down the stairs. Truth be told, I haven't had the money to buy shoes in lo, these many months, and I'm not as enthusiatic about wearing the same stilettos over and over again. Okay, so it's thirty pairs I'm rotating, but it still feels like the same old, same old, to me.

WallyWorld has had some VERY cute dresses and I bought an emerald green jersey knit dress and an electric blue empire waist, both of these are making an appearance weekly. I LOVE COLOR! Also, I realized I could wear an LBD every single day of the week...including weekends...without repeating a dress.

I've been skinning my hair back into a dreadful ponytail sprig, REALLY need a cut. Wearing huge silver earrings. And pretty much no makeup, just sunscreen and maybe some mineral powder foundation, lipgloss, and mascara, that's as far as I'm going with makeup in this heat and humidity.

So: flats. Jersey dresses that don't wrinkle. Ponytail & huge earrings. That's me, this summer. And, ladies? Please do keep in mind that you want to keep your look proportionate. If my earrings are down to my shoulders, it has to be a very plain top or dress. No competing hair or necklace. Keep your height and your overall look balanced. I am nearly six feet tall and rarely find an accessory that I consider too dramatic. But if it's big, detailed earrings, let them shine. Check yourself in a full length mirror before you leave the house to make sure everything works. It takes less than thirty seconds and it's the last thing I do when leaving the house every morning.